God of small things contd.

22.
Agent Bacha ,utsav n chets were supopsed to go for "go carting". so Agent Bacha calls Pissu. Utsav n chets had to go somewhere else so couldnt come. Now Agent Bacha is left alone with Pissu.
Agent Bacha - (mujhe es Pissu ke saath race nahi lagani. kahan phas gaya).
Pissu - Chal go carting karten hain.
Agent Bacha - Yaar Pissu mera man nahi hai. Tu kar mein dekhta hun.
Pissu - Theek hai.

So Pissu starts driving n there are 3 foriegners racing against him. Agent Bacha is sitting with some friends of Pissu's rivals.Pissu is driving very slowly n every1 else is a lap ahead him.

Agent Bacha - (kya bakwaas chala raha hai. aacha hai mein iske saath race nahi laga raha. Bachon ki terha chala raha hai).
Friend - (pointing to Pissu) Look at him. He's driving like he's a Pissu.
Agent Bacha - (:-D)

Pissu finishes his laps.

Pissu - Dekha kya mast chalai Pissu ne. Bahut tez chala raha tha na Pissu? Kisis ko bhi aage nahi nikalne diya.
Agent Bacha - ( :O !!!!!! what,, hahhahahahha)

God of small things contd.

21.

Lala ko mila ek phone number. Jisme tha ek recorded msg. “ek bhai apni behen ko tang karne wale ladke ko gaali maar raha hai”

Lala ne soch kya karun.. KYA KARUN…

Haan idea… kisi ko bhejta hun yeh no.

Who laga sochne… kaun hai yahan sabse bada chutiya… HAAN ob Pissu!!!!! :D

Lala ne nikala apna phone and kar diya Pissu ko msg.

“Hey Pissu… I got a call from this no. “98********”. There was a girl speaking,, she wanted to talk to u urgently,, “

Yeh msg. dekh ka Pissu ki nikal padi.

Pissu – Ek ladki Pissu ke pyar me magan ho gayi hai.. HAI RABBA!!! Maza aa gaya,, matlab ki ab Pissu apne sab friends ko bolega ki Pisu ki girl friend hai.. Matlab ki kya importance bad jayegi Pissu ki… Usko phone kar leta hun ek baar. :D

So Pissu dials the no.

Pissu – Hello.

Girl – kaun bol rahe ho. Tum wahi ho na jo mera picha kar rahe ho?

Pissu – haaaaiinnnn???

Girl – tum mera peecha karma chor do plzz. Mereko tang mat kro. Mein aisi ladki nahi hun. Agar mere bhai ko pata chal gaya to mera to kuch nahi hoga par tera pata nahi kya hoga.

Then there was a voice from the background “kaun hai rekha,, kisse baat kar rahi ho?”

Girl – bhaiya dekho na,, yeh aadmi kitne din se mera peecha kar raha hai,, mereko tang kar raha hai..

Bro – La mujhe phone de… aur tu jaa yahan se ,, doosare kamre me jaa..

Girl – Yeh to bhaiya.

Bro – Haan bhai ab bol kya bol raha tha. Kaun hai be tu. Meri behen ko phone karta hai,, uska peecha karta hai.. madarchod, bina lubricant ke condom, 100 aadmiyon ki mehnat se nikle hue bharwe,, abe duniya ke saare lund ek jhopare me n who jhopra teri maa ke bhosade me… Boss tu to gaya,, tu bachne wala nahi hai mere se.

Pissu – aa aarrreey aa…. Aa aa aapko kkkkoi g gggalat famy ho gayi hai bhaisahab..

Bro – Abe galti mujhe nahi,,, jalti to tune kardi hai janam lekar.. tu to gaya ,, tera no. to aa gaya hai mere paas… ab to nahi bach sakta.

(PHATTTT) he bangs the phone.

Pissu (crying) – HAI RABBA!!! :’( mummy papa… Pissu ko bacha lo,,, muje marna nahi hai… ab kya hoga.. matlab ki who Pissu ko maar dalega… nahiiiiinnn

So Pissu calls his father n tells him everything.

Pissu – Papa ab Pissu kya kare?? Wapas aa jaye??

Pissu’s dad – arey nahi kuch nahi hoga..

Pissu – ek kama karta hun… Pissu apna no. change kar dega,,, apna handset bhi change kardega..

Pissu’s dad – Abey handset kyun change karega??

Then Pissu calls Prashant Sir

Pissu – hello sir

Prashant sir – haan Pissu bolo kya hua?

He tells everything.

Pissu – sir mein kya karun..

Prashant Sir – (kya chutiya hai yeh). Sun Pissu,, yeh sab bas koi joke hoga.. Aisa hote rehta hai,, chinta mat kar..

Pissu – Nahi sir who mereko maar dalega..

Prashant Sir – (who nahi to mein pakka maar dalunga,, itni raat me phone kiya hai). Arey dar mat don’t worry. Ab tu soja.. kuch nahi hoga.

So now Pissu goes n sleeps.

Next day in office.

Lala – Phone kiya tune.

Pissu – Arey bhaiya. Kiska no, tha,,, bahut gaali maari mereko n usne bola ki mereko maar dalega.

Lala – AHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAAHUHUHHHHHHUHUHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI…

God of small things contd.

19. Mr Nene was explaining something to Pissu n Agent R.

Mr Nene - U have to consider this n write the values here. R u getting it?

Pissu - Yes sir. ofcourse

Mr Nene - then calculate the ................................." u guys getting it?

Pissu - Yes sir, ya sure.. Pissu has understood everything.

THEN PISSU N AGENT R START WORKING.

Agent R - iske bare me sir ne kya bola tha? mereko samajh nahi aaya.

Pissu - pata nahi yaar Pissu ko bhi nahi samajh aaya.

Agent R - (tab to yes yes kar raha tha).

Pissu - Ab kya karna hai ? Pissu ko kuch samajh nahi aa raha.

Agent R - Tu to bol raha tha ki tereko sam samajh aa gaya, so meine sir se kuch poocha nahi.

Pissu - Yaar actually subah se Pissu ke head me dard ho raha hai, matlab ki Pissu ka dimag nahi chal raha. Plz to sir se pooch kar aa firse aur kaam complete karde.

Agent R - (im going to kill him)

20.
Pissu - Oye to radha se kyun ladte rehta hai pure time. Woh kitna sharif hai aur tu itna harami. Woh Pissu ka kitna dhyan rakhta hai.

Agent Hain - (haaaiinnnnn !!!!) puzzelled

SOMETIME BACK

Agent R - Im goin to kill tht irritating Pissu. kaisa bharwa hai. kuch kaam nahi karta.

Pissu cant dance saala

Pissu cant dance saala

Naa muscular..
Naa popular
Gets close to girls
Par hai bachelor.. hai bachelor.. rahega bachelor

Pissu gtalk chats padhta hai
Pissu sewak se ladta hai
Pissu ki height 5-2
Children section mein akadta hai

Mohit ki isse raaton mein
Roz padhta hai paala

But pissu cant dance saala
But pissu cant dance saala

Water park mein bhi randi dance karta hai
Club mein bhi wohi randi dance oye

IMS mein pissu ki kismatein chamki
Mannate saari puri hui manki

Pissu usse call lagata hai…
Phir usko gaaliya sunaata hai

Aur jo usse yaad nahin kartaaa
Usse block kar jaata hai

But pissu cant dance saala

chets ko mann himann chahata hai
art of living ki class jaata… hoye

Pile pier mein bhi nahin difference
Pissu bola.. toh ob hai nonsense

Pissu bed churaata hai
Resturaunt menu bhi chupaata hai

Pissu taiyaar hoke bhi
Gen mein muvi nahin jaata hai

But pissu cant dance saala..

Courtesy Munju

God of small things

1.
Pissu – Yaar Pissu size ke kapde kahin milte hi nahi hain. Badon ke section me Pissu jata hai to size bada hota hai, bacho ke section me chota. Kal Pissu chets ko saath lekar jayega.

Agent D – Haan yeh sahi hai. Who kapde kaat kat tere size ka bana dega. (grinning)

2.
Pissu – abe ye tere gtalk me D. Munjral kaun hai?

Agent D – Papa

Pissu – Acha! Daddy Munjral !!!!

Agent D – nalayak Pissu unka naam Deepak Munjral hai.

Pissu- ohh

Agent D- Waise tu kabhi embarrass nahi hota?

Every1 else – ROFL !!!


3.
Pissu – tujhe kharab to nahi lagta na??

Agent ? – kis baat se?

Pissu – kuch nahi bas Pissu sabko advice deta rehta hai.isliye. Matlab Pissu ke friends ko to pata hai ki Pissu hamesha sahi bolta hai. But koi naya banda ho to use aacha nahi lagta.

Agent ? – (ob hai kisi to tu aacha nahi lagta.)


4.
Agent ? – Meine IIFT ka form bhar diya.

Pissu – Bhar bhi diya? Waise Pissu bhi soch raha tha bharne ko. Chets ne kaha to tha.

Agent L – Chets ne kaha tha to bhar dena tha.

Pissu – Pissu aur Chets ka aisa rishta hai jaise tere aur Piyush ka.

Agent L – Haan isliye to bol raha hun ki tereko bharna chahiye tha.

Pissu – Its none of ur business ok. (angrily)


5.
O.C comes and puts his hand on Pissu’s shoulder.

Agent L – Usne tere shoulder pe haath kaise rakha? Shit be,,,Tereko ganda kar diya. Lagta hai use tere se pyaar ho gaya hai.

Pissu – Haan be. Ab Pissu us madarchod ko haath nahi rakhne dega.

Agent L – (Pissu kya chutiya hai :P)

O.C comes and puts his hand again on Pissus’s shoulder.

Pissu – (Angrily) Don’t touch Pissu.

O.C – (shocked) y?

Pissu – Pissu doesn’t like people touching him.

Every1 else – (What a chut !!!)

6.
Pissu – Tala laga diyo. Tere haath me to chabi rehti hai, Pissu ko wallet se nikalni padegi.

Agent Hain – Pissu mera haath chabi nahi hai. Bag se nikalni hogi.

7.
Pissu – (senti) Duniya me sab rishtey matlab ke hote hain. Sirif Maa bete ko chod ke

Agent Hain- Kis chutiye ne tujhe phir chutiya banaya hai? Ya yeh theory teri hai?

Pissu – Yeh Pissu ki theory hai. Dekh teri behen ko lagta hai tu uski raksha karega, tere dad ko lagta hai tu unka naam Roshan karega. Bas Maa hi aise hai jiske pyaar ke peeche koi matlab nahi hota.


8.
1st presentation going on.
Pissu completes his presentation.

Mr. Nene (20 yrs experience) - What is the difference between pile and pier foundation.

Pissu(20 mins experience) – sir both are the same.

Mr. Nene – No, there is some difference.

Pissu – No sir, Pissu googled and it said there is no difference and Pissu also consulted Mr. Anand (5 months experience).

Mr. Nene - But there is some difference.

Pissu - Sir Pissu googled it. Its not Pissu’s fault. Mr Anand also said. Pissu is right.


9.
Agent ? – Tereko BB aachi lagti hai na?

Pissu – Nahi yaar. Matlab ki pehle who Pissu ko aaqchi lagti thi but Pissu ke saath hamesha yeh hi hota hai.Matlab jab bhi Pissu kisi ladki ko dekhta hai to attract hota hai but jaise jaise baat hone lagti hai who attraction band ho jati hai. Pissu bas flirt karta hai par bandi bas firnd jaisi hoti hai.

Agent ? – (Abe tu usse door nahi jata, teri baatien sun kar who khud door ho jati hai)

10
Pissu calls BB n asks her to accompany him to Lal Baugh for Ganesh Visarjan..She tells Pissu that she’ll come on Friday to IMS and on Saturday they will go together. Pissu messages her another 2-3 times.
Finally its Friday and BB doesn’t come.

Pissu – Saali, Bhen ki lodi, kuttiya, madarchod,

Agent Hain – Kya ho gaya?

Pissu – Abe yaar who BB aayi nahi. Matlab saali apne peeche ghumaye jaa rahi hai Pissu ko. Pissu ka chutiya kaat rahi hai. Matlab ki itna bhaw Pissu ne aaj tak kisi ko nahi diya.

Agent M – (ROFL)

11
Agent R and Agent Hain were abusing each other on gtalk and Pissu is sitting with Agent Hain. Finally Agent Hain writes “tu Pissuchod hai”. Pissu starts laughing as if he has heard the best joke ever ( unaware of the fact that rest of us call him Pissu).

Pissu – ahahahahahahahahahahaha… Kya mast gaali hai. Hahahahahaahahhohohohhoho.

Rest – HHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA…ROFL ROFL (kya chutiya hai Pissu)

12
Agent R – What is the meaning of Pissu?

Agent L was about to speak but was interrupted by Pissu.

Pissu – Pissu ka matlab hai KIDA,,,Matlab ki GANDA CHOTA KIDA,,, JIS SE GHIN AATI HAI,,, AUR BAHUT IRRITATING HO.

Agent R – Ohhhh.. wow !!!! What a great definition .Thanks.

Rest – (ROFL)







13.
Pissu - Yaar kal movie challenge plz.

Rest – Ok !

NEXT DAY
Everyone gets ready and so does Pissu. Agent D and Agent ? are already at the Mall waiting for others to come.

Pissu – (After getting ready). Yaar Pissu soch raha hai ki Pissu kyun jaa raha hai.

Agent Hain – Kyun ab kya ho gaya. Tu tyaar to ho gaya hai.

Pissu – Pata nahi ab man nahi kar raha.

So Pissu doesn’t go
After coming back from the movie.

Agent Hain – Kya ho gaya tha aaj?? Tyaar hokar bhi nahi chala.

Pissu – Yaar matlab ki actually Pissu bahut din se akela nahi raha tha so matlab aaj Pissu ka akele rehne ka man tha.

Agent Hain – (Good!!! Next time ill say “yaar bahut dino se tere bina kahin nahi gaye, aaj mat aa humare saath)

14.
Nikhil Bansal gets placed. But he makes a BIG mistake. He didn’t call Pissu and tell him that he got placed. Pissu gets to know about his placement from someone else.
Result – Pissu is furious. (y didn’t he call me)
Pissu talks to Prashant about this on gtalk. Tells him that he is very angry with Nikhil as he didn’t call him so he’s not going to talk to him, Prashant copies the whole chat and sends it to Nikhil. So Nikhil calls Pissu but Pissu cancels it. He calls Pissu again but Pissu cancels the call again. Hence nikhil messages him:

Nihil – Abe utha le phone. Sorry galti ho gayi

Pissu – Nahi. Pissu baat nahi karni.

Nikhil – Abe sorry yaar. Please utha le.

Pissu – Ab kyun caal kar raha hai. Pehle nahi kiya. An kya ho gaya. Pissu ko baat nahi karni.

Nikhil – Abe bola sorry. Maaf karde.

Pissu – No.

Nikhil – Maa chuda !!!

So Pissu blocks Nikhil and all his friends on gtalk.

Agent Hain – Tu itna udas kyun hai?

Pissu – Nikhil ne Pissu ko call karke nahi bayata ki uska placement ho gaya. To Pissu ne sabko gtalk par block kar diya hai.

Agent Hain – Sabko??

Pissu – Pissu ke saare friends us group me.

Agent Hain – Sabko kyun kiya?? Aur waise baat nahi karni to online mat jaa. Block kyun kiya?

Pissu – Jisse sabko lage ki Pissu gussa hai. Kuch importance dikhane ke liye.

Agent Hain – (haahahahaha….kya bacha hai)

15.
Agent Hain – Kya ho gaya hai tereko??

Pissu – Abe Pissu dekhna chahata tha ki Pissu ki yaad kisko aati hai to Pissu ne ghar par call nahi kiya 3 din tak. So papa ka call aaya and he asked ki call kyun nahi kiya 3 din se.
Pissu told him ki Pissu ko dekhna tha ki pehle yaad kisko aati hai. So he said aacha yeh baat hai to mein phone rakhta hun. To Pissu ne kaha sorry.

Agent Hain – (OMG!!! He’s he biggest chut I’ve ever seen)

16.
Pissu - Pissu badal gaya hai. Now Pissu has stopped pretending things…

Agent Hain - Kisko pretend kar raha tha???

Pissu - Khud Pissu ko… Pissu who banne ki koshish kar raha tha jo Pissu actually nahi hai. aur itne dino baad Pissu ki bansi se baat ho gayi. :) Chawala ne bola ki “tu art of living ki classes join kar ,thujhe uski sakt zaroorat hai.”


17.
Agent L, Agent Hain, Agent ? and Pissu were going Mr. Nene. to ask for a leave for Diwali.

Pissu – Yaar kaise jayen? Pissu ko dar lag raha hai.

Agent L – Mein to jaa raha hun. Tum log dekh lo kya karma hai?

Pissu – Abe ruk. Hum pehle jaten hai.

Agent L – To fir saath chalten hai sab.

Pissu – Nahi,, 4 log jada ho jayenge.

Agent L – 3 ya 4.. Difference kya hai.

Pissu – 3 theek lagta hai,, 4 jada ho jayega. Psychologically

Agent L – (imitating Pissu) Haan matlab ki 3 kam hai matlab 4 jada hai matlab ki psychologically dekho to matlab matlab.

Pissu – (angrily) to fir ja kyun nahi raha?

Agent L – Mein to ja hi raha tha. Tune hi roka.

Rest – (finally kuch interesting mila lekhne ko itne din baad :P)

18.
Agent ? – Yahaan machar bahut hain so raat me all out laga liyo. Kafi kat te hain machar.

Pissu – ok

Agent ? – Aacha mein chalta hun fir.

After 2 days when they meet.

Pissu – Yaar Pissu ko raat me kafi late neend aayi.

Agent ? – Machar the na kafi?

Pissu – Nahi matlab ki tune kaha tha ki machar hote hain so Pissu puri raat machar ki wait karta raha ki machar aayega aur Pissu ko katega.. Par machar aaya hi nahi.

Agent ? - :-O !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (OMG)